Inspired from Rachel Lucas, I finally realized something. I have dry hands and I had a cold last week. Both of these events were very distressing. Now, however, I see the light as clear as day. It’s a conspiracy. The right-wing Judeofascist Busholini-worshipping jackbooted thugs of the right-wing National Republican Socialist Workers Party poisoned my airspace, releasing toxic rhinovirii, impairing my ability to work and deliver truth to power through my blog. Meanwhile, in conjunction with the NKVD-resurrecting Green Party, the forces of Big Blue sallied forth against the ability to experience comfortable humidity, banishing it to the gulag, causing my hands to feel the pain of the oppressed proletariat. Now, my hands are dry, like the failed ideology of the Gaia-worshipping, Sapiens-hating ideology of the left-wing, which is ironic since THEY DID THIS TO ME. Clearly, both wings of Air America are against me. They sense the danger I present to them. They see that I am a Patriot missile of truth, bringing down their dreams.

It’s certainly not because I live in a desert and the seasons are changing. Nope.

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