If this is true, I am so screwed:

A study released this month stated that breakfast is extremely important for kids who don’t want to be fat. A pediatrician interviewed for an article on the study specifically called out Pop-Tarts as not being breakfast worthy, despite their essential vitamins and minerals. Two conclusions can be reached from this: Pop-Tarts will make you fat–which is the same as not eating breakfast–or eating Pop-Tarts is worse than not eating breakfast. I guess it really doesn’t matter–according to Pillsbury, every kid’s school locker is filled with uneaten Pop-Tarts and the kids just end up eating their friend’s Toaster Strudel.

Here’s the problem: I tend to run late for work. By “late”, I mean that my coworkers have repeatedly joked about creating a new time zone just for me so I’ll be on time somewhere. It’s not something I do intentionally or out of disrespect, mind you; I’m just really, really not a morning person. I do make it up in the afternoons, though, which is why I’m still gainfully employed. To mitigate some of the negative effects of my morning sluggishness, however, I’ve taken to buying what I call “emergency deployment rations”, which basically amounts to food that I can quickly grab on my way out and eat on the run. Since going to gas stations or McDonalds eats precious time that I don’t have, I prefer to grab something while I’m getting dressed and take it with me. My favorite morning food is, of course, Pop Tarts. They don’t have to be cooked (really!), they have some calories, they’re theoretically nutritious in some manner or another, and, most importantly, they require absolutely zero thought. It’s a no-brainer. However, if what this person is saying about Pop Tarts is true, I may be eternally damned to either a lifetime of morbid Sunny-like obesity or to a quick trip to the unemployment line.

Either way, my future does not look promising…

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