Part of the fun of the Internet is watching things that used to be private domain suddenly get thrown into the public. Today’s example of that, which I found via ArsTechnica, and which I can’t believe I missed until now, is the Church of Scientology’s Operating Thetan documents, which are being hosted via WikiLeaks.

Want an excerpt? Of course you do. Perhaps you’d like to know how to become an OT-1?

1. Walk around and count bodies until you have a cognition. Make a report saying how many you counted & your cognition.
2. Note several large and several small female bodies until you have a cognition. Note it down.
3. Note several large and several small male bodies until you have a cognition. Note it down.
4. Find a tight packed crowd of people, urYe [sic] it as a crowd, then as individuals until you have a cognition. Note it down. Do step over until you do.
5. Seat yourself unobtrusively where you can observe a number of people. Spot things and people you are not. Do to cognition. Note it.
6. Seat yourself unobtrusively where you can observe a number of people. Spot things and people you can have. Do to cognition. Note it.
7. Note some physical thing about yourself you don’t like. Observing people, in them note that body part. Do to some change. Note it down.
8. Observing people, note things that are not wrong with them. Do to cognition. Note it.
9. Walk around and note someone walking toward you, then someone walking away, then someone walking toward you, etc. Do to cognition. Note it down.
10. Walk around and note how people stick to the ground and their sense of weight. (Huh? - DC) Do to cognition. Note it down.
11. Spot importances in people while looking at them. Do to cognition. Note it down.
12. Look into space and find spaces where there are no persons. Do to cognition. Note it down.
13. Walk around and note where there are people. Do to cognition. Note it down.

Riiight… so, basically, they have you do a bunch of random, repetitive, and probably mildly hypnotic exercises until you have a thought. Then, you write the thought down and go to the next exercise. Well, here’s a thought - people pay good money for this shit? Really? “Wow - people stick to the ground! How insightful!”

Oh yeah, the ArsTechnica article also links to some good ol’ fashioned Mormon weirdness, too. It’s not quite as new-agey or quite as ridiculous as the ramblings of a crack-addled sci-fi writer, but it’s still some pretty decent stuff. For starters, it’s actually written in English, so you don’t get strange and bizarre paragraphs like this:

In clearing you move the Being up to where he is cause over mental MEST (Matter, Energy, Space, and Time). A Clear has erased the matter, energy, space and time connected to the thing called MIND. He has been cleared of the MASS, PICTURES etc. It is a negative gain.

Instead, you get somewhat more mundane prose like this:

The stake president and bishop are entitled to the discernment and inspiration necessary to be spiritual advisers and temporal counselors to ward members who need such help. They should prepare spiritually before counseling a member, seeking the power of discernment and the guidance of the Spirit. This guidance usually comes as impressions, thoughts, or feelings. The Spirit often prompts leaders to remember teachings from the scriptures and from latter-day prophets.

Funny, I’m having an impression, thought, and feeling right now… and it has nothing to do with remembering teachings from scriptures or from any prophets. It does have to do with profits, though - I need to make more of them. That would be nice. I would profit greatly from increased profits. Perhaps I should start posting ads on my blog? Hmm…

Religion is just so weird…

UPDATE: I had a feeling I would find some more weirdness if I dug long enough… thanks, Mormons:

Consecrating Oil
One or more Melchizedek Priesthood holders must consecrate olive oil before it is used to
anoint the sick or afflicted. No other oil may be used. To do this, a priesthood holder:
1. Holds an open container of olive oil.
2. Addresses Heavenly Father.
3. States that he is acting by the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood.
4. consecrates the oil (not the container) and sets it apart for anointing and blessing the sick and afflicted.
5. Closes in the name of Jesus Christ.
Members should not take consecrated oil internally or apply it on afflicted parts of the
body

That’s right - don’t drink or use the consecrated oil as a disinfectant. Oh, and thou shalt not consecrate vegetable oil, for that is forbidden in the eyes of the Lord… or something.

Have I mentioned that religion is a little weird?

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