I think Fark’s summary pretty well nails it:

Driver calls 911 to report she can’t unlock her car doors. The operator discovered the CALL WAS COMING FROM INSIDE THE CAR

Let’s grab ourselves a slice of this bountiful pizza of stupid, shall we?

A woman called Orem police Friday afternoon needing help because her battery died and she was locked inside her car.

When police arrived, they found the woman sitting in the car, unable to get herself out. She couldn’t hear the officers instructions through the rolled-up windows so she motioned to them to call her on her cell phone, according to police.

Must not make fun of Orem.  God will kill me.  Must not point out proximity to Provo and BYU campus.  God will smite me.  Must not make fun of Mormons.  God will *bzzzzaaaaapppp*

“I’m just glad she had a cell phone to call for help,” an officer said.

Since some people are apparently confused about the nature of door locks, allow me to provide a basic primer:

Door Lock Basics

Door locks generally have two positions - locked and unlocked.  Depending on the make and model of your vehicle, you will experience door locks belonging to one of two families:

Push-rod style - This is a thin rod sticking out of the top of your door.  If it’s a powered lock, pressing the “lock” button will cause this rod to go into the door.  “Unlock” will, similarly, cause the rod to come out of the door.  In order to manually operate a push-rod style door lock, simply mimic the behavior of the lock when applying the automatic lock - pull the lock out with your forefinger and your thumb to unlock, push the lock down with something to lock it.  This style is common on American vehicles, especially older ones.

Slide or hinge style - This style has a number of variations, but they generally behave in the same way.  The door lock mechanism is either a hinged button or a slider that sits in the door and is not readily visible from the outside, at least not from the same side of the car that the lock is located on.  Depending on the type, unlocking the door will involve either pushing or sliding the lock into a position that, more often than not, reveals a colored area (usually red) indicating that the door is unlocked.  Locking is the reverse of this - make the red or otherwise colored area disappear to be secure.  When in doubt, pretend the door lock is your neighborhood; unless you plan on leaving soon, more color is almost always bad.

(Note:  If you’re drain bamaged enough to not know how to operate a car door lock, you’re precisely the target for that last line there.  Think about it.)

Thus endeth today’s primer on car door locks.

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