Car Disgust: 2003 Chevrolet Malibu
This post will be written in the style of a Car Disgust article on Car Lust Blog. For whatever it may be worth, I hereby openly and gladly authorize the reproduction of this article in its entirety on said blog without condition. I’ll be forwarding this to Mr. Hafner as soon as I’m done writing this.
The ESO, love of my life that she is, drives a 2003 Chevrolet Malibu. It was originally a rental car, like so many Malibus of this era; this would be surprising if there was a single redeeming feature of this car and its ilk. To better understanding the failings of this particular vehicle, it’s important to understand where it came from.
The ESO’s Malibu is a Fourth Generation Malibu. GM sold the exact same car for about 10 years, either as a Malibu or as a “Malibu Classic”. When it first came out in 1997, it was a well-received car - it was relatively handsome and had some decent power from the V-6, at least for the time. As far as family mid-sizes in 1997, it wasn’t a bad car. At the very least, it was better than the Ford Taurus and it’s 75,000 mile transmission of the time, and definitely better than the Dodge Intrepid of that year. By 2003, however, the Malibu was one of so many cars that GM produced for way too long without a refresh, which, like so many cars before it, led it either to rental fleets around the country or to discount used car lots, selling for less than half of its “original sticker price”.
Thus, the ESO’s father thought he found himself a bargain when he picked this particular Malibu up for his daughter. It was two years old and cost only $9000. It was a steal, or so it seemed at the time.
Since the fateful day that her father purchased that car, we’ve dealt with the following mechanical difficulties:
- The rear driver side window stopped working. Upon closer inspection, it turned out that the cable responsible for moving the window had inexplicably tangled itself.
- Numerous brake jobs, all of which involving warped rotors for some reason.
- After a year of ownership, the flasher in the car began to make intermittent clicking noises without provocation. The result is that, after driving the car for a little while, it will begin clicking over and over again. The best part, though, is that the chime that lets the driver know that the turn signal is still on will also go off after a short amount of time since it thinks the turn signal is on. This has still not been fixed.
- The driver’s side door opens with a popping noise, rubbing against the front left fender.
- One day, while driving home, the ESO hit the horn on the freeway. It never turned off; we eventually pulled off to the side of the road, at which point I pulled the fuse responsible for it. The horn hasn’t worked since, even when the fuse was replaced with a new fuse.
- Smoke periodically comes out from the steering wheel. Nobody knows why.
- The latest gem: After an oil change, I submitted the oil to Blackstone Laboratories to get it analyzed. End result? Antifreeze in the oil, which means the intake manifold gasket is leaking. Apparently, I’m not the only one - there’s a class-action lawsuit that was recently settled about this very thing. Unfortunately, I didn’t get it fixed quite soon enough, so, alas, it doesn’t look like I get to cash in on it.
Due to the impending birth of my second son, money is a little tight, so, when I found out about the intake manifold gasket, I realized that, if it was going to get fixed (and bad things happen to engines that mix coolant and oil - very bad things), it was probably going to have to get fixed by myself. Thankfully, I have a coworker who is both generous and extremely willing to help out with endeavours such as these, and he has both a garage and a decent set of tools, so, last weekend, I took it there.
Sadly, I did not think to take a picture of the engine before I got started - I did, however, take a picture of it after I was done…
So, is it done? Oh hell no. Of course it’s not done. See, GM thought it would be fun to put too much torque into the rocker arm bolts, so, when I tried to put them back in, I discovered the hard way that a couple of them had been stripped at some point. Removing them removed the threading from inside the head. Tap the hole? Yeah, already tried that. No dice. I’m now looking to get it to a machinist… which brings me to the next stage of this highly unpleasant adventure.
Due to my failure to repair this “wonderful” bastion of American automotive engineering, I’m letting the ESO borrow my truck, which means I have to use the backup ride. See, my job requires me to get to a customer’s site in short order, which pretty well rules out bikes and the bus system. So, instead of driving my truck and letting the ESO drive her car, I get to drive this:
That’s right - a 1964 Chevrolet C-10 1/2 Ton truck, armed with a 283 CID V8 that, when it was new, was rated for about 175 HP. That would be 1964 horsepower, so, in the real world, that translates to roughly 120 HP, all trying desperately to pull a truck that is made out of nothing but steel and pressed wood.
Wait - pressed wood, did I say? Yes I did - that would be the truck bed. It was built that way.
Now, you may also notice the coloring scheme. See, due to it being big, heavy, and almost as old as my mother (born in ‘60!), it gets about 8-10 MPG, so I drive it as little as possible. The entire reason I have the truck, in fact, is to take it to tailgating at University of Nevada football games. A friend of mine and I bought the thing together, spraypainted it with an appropriate color scheme (you read that right), and do our absolute best to furlough the thing as much as humanly possible. The only time it’s ever driven to somewhere that isn’t Mackay Stadium is when one of our vehicles break down… which is why I’m now driving a vehicle that costs about $0.50/mile to run.
Ah… I know what you’re thinking. Rental car, right? Nyet - rental cars would run about $25/day. That’s 50 miles. I can get to work and back in under 30. It’s a close call, though, I admit that.
Long story short… that stupid maroon pile of Lansing, Michigan assembled crap has reduced me to driving a truck that is nearly 20 years my senior. Thanks. That is why today’s Car Disgust from yours truly is the 2003 Chevrolet Malibu. May it burn in hell… just as soon as I replace it with something else. Maybe there’s a used Fiat for sale or something.
Publicly Personal | David Colborne | 
June 9, 2008 5:01 pm
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