Jun 16 2008
The Stupid Is Stupifying
Let’s throw down some kid-themed stupidity today, shall we?
Where to start… high-heeled shoes for babies (because it’s never too early to become a sodomizing whore!), or the latest exercise in overkill inspired by brainless zero-tolerance policies? Let’s go with…
U.S. designers have launched a range of high heeled shoes designed specifically for babies.
The tiny stilettos, called Heelarious, are intended for babies up to six months and come in hot pink, black and leopard print.
You want pictures? Of course you want pictures. You’re a sick pervert that way, aren’t you? Yes you are.
Yep. I was just telling the ESO last night, “Hey, honey, you know what I was thinking? Girls don’t look like hookers soon enough in life. I mean, three, maybe four years old… anybody can do that. I mean, they’re almost old enough to start experimenting with their bodies at that point and actually vaguely realize what’s sort of going on. We need to step it up a notch. We need to get them at birth.” Real conversation, I swear! I mean, if “No means no”, then the solution is to find someone that can’t say no…
(That, folks, is, without a shadow of a doubt, one of the most disturbing paragraphs I have ever written. Moving on…)
Meanwhile, in Oregon City…
OREGON CITY, Ore. - An Oregon City fourth grader missed her last day of school Friday because she shared a lip cream with two classmates.
[…]
She found a medicated, over the counter, lip cream called “abreva” in her desk. It’s a cold sore medication and can numb up an area.
A classmate asked her what it was and wanted Madison to share. She did and the classmate put some on her lips then passed it to a friend. Madison says a short time later the two classmates didn’t feel well and told the teacher.
OMGTHEYREDOINGDRUGSEVERYBODYPANIC!!!
District Superintendent Roger Rada defends the move.
“We’re there to protect the kids,” said Rada.
Because, if you stop and think about it, nothing protects kids quite as well as suspending them for sharing medicated lip cream. I mean, you know what other dangerous medicated lip creams exist out there? That’s right - I’m talking about this:
Dear sweet Jesus, we must protect our precious snowflakes from the evils of medicated lip cream, lest they start doing lines of the shit or something! I mean, they might start, y’know, having less chapped lips if this continues!
Look, I kind of get what they’re going after here - they don’t want children sharing their medication. Fine. I get that and totally understand that - some kids have different allergies than others and the last thing you want is for your kid to take a medication from a friend that knocks them into a hospital or a morgue. Totally understandable. That said, suspension? On the last day of school? Am I the only one thinking that’s a little overkill? I’m thinking someone tapped into the rush of power over the little ‘uns and decided to give them a bit o’ th’ what for.
Well Abreva is hardly Blistex. It is ass expensive and they sell it in these ridiculously small tubes. Its just like like taking Claritin to school and letting all your classmates share. At that age do they know that you should be sharing the only FDA approved OTC available for Cold Sores? Who knows what the side effects are…not to mention it is a huge waste to be using for anything other then the treatment of cold sores…like driving a hummer with the windows down and the air conditioner going.