Jun 30 2008

Jesus Christ on a Radar Screen…

Published by David Colborne at 10:04 pm under Christianity

One of my coworkers sent this absolutely sacrilegious article my way:

A naval interceptor rocket accidentally targeted and blew up the returning Jesus Christ during a morning test over the Pacific, setting off some kind of retaliatory offensive by the host of heaven.

General Jason Gruntsworthy, head of the Anti-ballistic Missile Shield program, declined comment at first, then said “God, what a mess.”

“On our screens, Jesus looked suspiciously like a Chinese MIRV-9 nucular missile, which is frankly an easy mistake to make. The real surprise is that we actually hit something.”

Following the explosion, burning radioactive pieces of Jesus rained down over a wide area of the western seaboard, causing spot fires and random miracles. NASA has asked that the debris not be touched or collected as souvenirs.

It goes on like that.  Of course, the spelling is a little off here and there, but it’s not very often you get to see the word “eschatological” in a satire piece.  Personally, I prefer to encourage such epistemologically-conscious wordplay.

On a related note, Left Behind is still an obnoxious, pretentious pile of propaganda that should never be viewed by anyone.

That is all.

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