Stuff Nerds Like #7: Caffeine
I’ve been putting this off just about long enough…
It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the juice of sapho that thoughts acquire speed,
the lips acquire stains.
The stains become a warning.
It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
- Piter De Vries, Dune (Movie)
There are some things in life that are just meant to go together. Peanut butter and jelly, prime rib and horseradish, Twinkies and bacon drippings - individually, each item is good, but when you put them together, the result is far greater than the sum of their parts. No combination is this more true than nerds and caffeine.
Caffeine, of course, is a mild stimulant. If the world was forced to make a choice between running without caffeine or running without oil, it would undoubtedly mean the end of human civilization as we know it. The group that would suffer the most, though, would be the nerd. Without caffeine, nerds are intelligent humans that have to go to bed at decent times. With caffeine, nerds can engage in superhuman feats of brilliance, designing the structures that make modern civilization possible by day, then playing video games that allow them to pretend they’re breaking them apart at night. Without caffeine, a weekend-long level grind becomes nearly impossible.
It’s true that there are other stimulants in the world. The beauty of caffeine, though, is that, compared to other stimulants, it’s much less harmful in large quantities, it’s much easier to control and maintain dosage, and it is both cheap and plentiful. For nerds, who are frequently both cheap and control-hungry, caffeine is the perfect stimulant, providing the control they need at a price they’re willing to afford.
When offering caffeine to a nerd, be sure to check with the nerd to find out how they prefer to have it administered. Younger nerds will frequently gravitate towards energy drinks and soda to meet their needs. Older nerds will lean towards coffee. Generally speaking, the older the nerd, the more reactionary they will behave regarding the level of sugar with their caffeine. This UserFriendly strip illustrates this point perfectly.
Stuff Nerds Like | David Colborne | 
July 24, 2008 9:21 pm
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