Things that could have gone better over the past couple of days, but didn’t:

1. The bailout failed, leading to a record fall in the Dow, at least in absolute terms (albeit not in relative terms - to match 1987, the Dow would have needed to lose over 2,000 points).
2. On Sunday night, thanks to a wonderful bout of food poisoning, the digestive systems of both the ESO and myself did a wonderful imitation of our current financial markets.  She proceeded to reject the “bailout” through repeated vomiting out of her mouth, while my intestines did a wonderful job of flushing all value out of the financial systems of my rectum.
3. Kid Rock Branded Beer is coming.  I’m guessing the flavor and price point will be somewhere between Pabst and MD 20/20.

Regarding point #2, yeah… it got a little interesting Sunday night.  The ESO and I went to a barbecue at a friend’s house, at which I started to get sick after eating some appetizers.  Then, a few hours later, the ESO got rather sick as well.  Of course, there’s no way to prove whether or not the barbecue had anything to do with it - some foodborne pathogens can take a day to wreck havoc, which would place the problem with what we had for dinner the previous night (El Pollo Loco, for those checking at home).  That said, I do think it’s a rather strange coincidence, timing-wise, and toxicity-based food poisoning (botulism, etc.) can definitely affect people within a relatively short time.  In the end, it really wasn’t important - by 3 a.m. on Monday, after feeding Aiden and doing what I could to take care of myself, I heard the ESO collapse in the bathroom.  It was around that point that I made an executive decision to get us all to the ER and let the professionals sort it out.

The good news is we’re getting better.  We were probably already on the mend by the time we got to the hospital - after some anti-nausea medication and some IV-administered fluids, I was feeling moderately better, though the ESO and I still ended up sleeping through most of Monday.  Today, I’m somewhat able to digest solid foods without severe discomfort; tonight, for example, I managed to work my way through a bowl full of noodles with a dash of parmesan cheese.  It’s the most substantial thing I’ve had to eat since Sunday night; up until tonight, eating more than a banana and downing a bottle of Vitamin Water led to severe issues.  I was even able to make it to work today; tomorrow, I might even be able to drink some coffee so I can actually be awake at work.  My bosses will appreciate that immensely, I’m sure.

I do have some good news from all of this:

There are no pictures.

You may thank me later.

Since I’m feeling less textual and more visual at the moment, I’ve decided that today’s post will be about some random wildlife I’ve been seeing around the apartment complex as of late.

First, some raccoons…

These were pointed out to me when, while I was outside, a neighborhood girl tried to get my attention.  At first, I was a little confused, especially since I didn’t know her at all, until she pointed towards that ledge.

Then, I became really confused.

Fortunately, I think the raccoons were about as confused by our presence as I was by theirs.  That said, when I grabbed my camera and took my picture, I learned that nocturnal creatures really don’t like sudden, unexpected flashes of light, which is why I don’t have more pictures of them; after firing the camera off, they started to work their way down to ground level.  As cute and rabies-free as they looked up there, I wasn’t about to get cute and cuddly with one up close.

Next up… our door frog:

I have no idea whether this is a frog or a toad.  I have no idea what kind of frog or toad that is.  What I do know is that little amphibian (about the size of the palm of my hand - more on this in a second) has been hanging around our front door for months.  I have no problems with this; I’m sure that, in some culture or another, having a frog on our porch is considered good luck, and besides, it undoubtedly helps address the proliferation of bugs in the area.

That said, this particular frog has a thing for the indoors.  One time, the ESO and I opened the door, only to discover that the frog was sneaking into our apartment.  Unfortunately, it made it in, which meant I had to get it out of there.  Being the kind of guy I am, I just picked up the amphibian (hence how I know for a fact that it’s about the size of my hand) and carried it outside.  In exchange, the frog pissed on my hand.  I suppose it was a fair exchange.

There is one bug, however, that even that frog won’t touch.  I present to you… our potato bug:

Okay, to be fair, this picture is a couple of years old, but I thought it would be rather weak to have a “wildlife” post with only two pictures.  So, here’s the freakiest, biggest bug I’ve seen in a long, long time.  I wish I thought to put a quarter or something next to it, because, believe me, it dwarfed anything smaller than a half-dollar.  According to the ESO, she used to see tons of these things when she was a kid - they’d get stuck on her screen door and start hissing.  Personally, I’m not a big fan of bugs that make noise, especially when they’re big enough to make serious crunchy noises if I try to step on them.

I hate bugs.

Oh, and yes, this is the best I’ve got.  If you want something more serious, go read about the latest and greatest way Congress is earning its record low approval ratings.

Welcome back, everyone.  I know I’ve been gone for a while - between the new job and my dad visiting, things have been rather busy around here.  Now that normalcy is beginning to return, however, I should be able to maintain a somewhat more or less regular pace.

Since just about everyone and their mother is weighing in on the bailout, I suppose I can join the fray.  Before I begin, I’d like to make a note about my qualifications:  I took three semesters of Economics.  I got in A in Micro, either a B or a C in Macro (don’t remember), and a D in the third one, which I was a little too distracted to focus on.  This means that, as far as economics go, I’m probably in “So, I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night” territory.  With that in mind, I will state that, in principle, I agree with those that say that there should be no bailout and those who made poor investments should just learn to accept the consequences.  There’s quite a few of them out there, to be honest, on both sides of the political spectrum, and it’s understandable - why should I have to pay for the mistakes of a bunch of people far richer than I ever will be?  I mean, personally, I don’t really care why they failed.  I don’t care if it’s because Congress decided to order banks to lend to uncreditworthy people to increase minority home ownership, or if it’s because people decided to use financial instruments that nobody understands, or whatever.  It’s really not important.  What’s important is that a bunch of rich people are about to stay rich because our tax money is going to keep them that way.  F— that!

Then I remember where my money is and who’s in trouble.

I’m not going to pretend I know what caused this mess, though I do have some ideas; one of those ideas is that there’s no single thing that anybody did (Congress, the banks, whatever) that caused this to occur.  Part of it could be Congress trying to increase home ownership.  Part of it could be overregulation causing financial institutions to seek profits via more unconventional means.  Part of it could have something to do with the ginormous mess that is Fannie and Freddie.  Whatever the reason, it’s clear that, if we just let the financial sector melt itself down into slag, we’re all going to lose a lot more than $700 billion.  We’re already beginning to see some proof of this.  Want to buy a Honda?  Expect to see interest rates that are at least 4% higher than they were last month.  Planning to do any building?  Expect to see the interest rates for equipment purchases to go up at least 1.5%.  Imagine what would happen if it wasn’t just increasingly expensive to get a loan - imagine if it was damn near impossible.

Fortunately, I don’t have to - Megan McArdle did a halfway decent job of doing that for me.

Long story short, thanks to the joys of fractional reserve banking, if the banks decide they can’t loan money anymore, either because they’re broke or just plain scared, we’d be looking at a severe loss of money supply.  The last time we lost a huge chunk of the money supply, it took World War 2 to get us out of it.  I’d rather not see a reprise of that, and, if that means we pay off some people I’d rather not see paid off, well… things could be worse.

Think about it this way:  Let’s say you’re a farmer in a farming community.  You’re a good farmer - you tend regularly to your crops, you make sure they’re well watered and fertilized, and you make sure you only till as much land as your labor can support.  You make a decent living doing this, as do most of your neighbors.  There’s one neighbor, however, that isn’t quite as good of a farmer as everyone else.  Perhaps he was greedy and planted more seed than he could keep up with.  Perhaps he was lazy and didn’t tend to his fields as regularly as he should have.  Whatever the reason, his crops are failing and weeds are beginning to take over - noxious, virulent weeds that strike fear into the hearts of every other farmer in the community.

At this point, you and your fellow responsible farmers have one of two choices:

1. Let the bad farmer get what’s coming to him.  Let his crop fail, let the weeds wipe him out, and let someone who knows what they’re doing take over that farm.
2. Get the community together, bail the bad farmer out, and have everyone pull the weeds out of the farm before the weeds spread to every other farm in the community and wipe out everybody’s crops.

With most business failures, you can get away with pulling option 1 - yeah, you might get a few weeds on your farm, but it’s nothing you can’t handle.  In this particular case, though, the failing companies are really big farms and their “weeds” spread really fast.  Consequently, for better or worse, we’re going with option 2.  Option 2 has drawbacks, too.  For starters, you have to ignore your farm while taking care of your bad neighbor’s farm.  Worse yet, the bad farmer can continue to do business and sell the few crops that are successfully growing on his farm.  If you don’t let him do that, after all, he won’t let the community get on to his farm and pull the weeds.  But, it’s either that or we watch the weeds take over the community and bring everybody down.

That’s my take - I don’t like it, but, given a choice between spending $700 billion that we don’t have and watching a few trillion dollars in equity just disappear, well… I know that “trillion” is a bigger number than “billion”, so let’s just go with the smaller number, m’kay?  M’kay!

Last week was busy - it was my last week at my old job, so there was a fair amount of unfinished business to take care of.  Sadly, this cut deeply into my blogging time.  That said, it wasn’t a complete black hole of creativity.  Observe:

I posted a Car Lust article on the Yugo GV.  It was good enough to be Instalanched.  On the quantity vs. quality scale, I’m doing pretty well.

Not that I really needed proof, but there are some truly, heinously nutty people out there:

Emotional Hippies - Crying Over Dead Trees - Watch more free videos

That’s right - they’re crying about dead trees.  Best of all, they want the trees to know they care, because, y’know, trees care what people think.  No, really!  It’s true!  The world really does revolve around us!  If we can just tell the trees that we care, they’ll stop killing us!

Seriously, these people might actually give John Edwards a run for his money.  

(NOTE:  I’m not touching “Lipstick-Gate” or whatever the hell it’s called.  It’s a pointless and stupid news cycle distraction.  I also didn’t see the Gibson interview of Palin, so I’m not touching that, either.  In fact, I’m kind of burned out on politics at the moment - it’s just the same chum churning through the water, over and over and over again, and I’m sick and tired of it.)

It speaks for itself, I think. It’s also alarmingly catchy, which is a pretty impressive feat for a bunch of scientists in hard hats.  Whether the LHC ever detects anything, it’s safe to say that these people have discovered anti-rap, or, if you prefer, the Vanilla Boson.

All over sports radio, just about everybody is weighing in on the end of the BYU-Washington game.  Jake Locker, quarterback for the Washington Huskies, ran the ball in for a touchdown with two seconds on the clock, bringing the score to 28-27, BYU still on top, with only a routine PAT between Washington and overtime.  Needless to say, Jake was excited - he just saved the game for Washington, after all - so, in a fit of passion, he tossed the ball over his shoulders and began cheering with his teammates.

Then came the flag.  Unsportsmanlike conduct.  Excessive celebration.  15 yard penalty.  Suddenly, a routine PAT became a less-than-routine 35 yard PAT attempt.  BYU blocks it.  Game over.

Here’s the video:

There are two schools of thought regarding what happened that day:

1. The Pac-10 version (the game was at Washington, so it was officiated by Pac-10 referees) is that, according to the rules of the game, the referee did precisely what he was supposed to do.
2. The common sense version is that, yeah, rules are rules, but there has to be some flexibility, some interpretation.

The truth is, the refs did the right thing.  Their job is to enforce the rules of the game.  According to the 2008 NCAA Football Rules and Interpretations (note - it’s a PDF), Rule 9, Section 2, Article 2c:

2. After a score or any other play, the player in possession immediately
must return the ball to an official or leave it near the dead-ball spot.
This prohibits:
(a) Kicking, throwing, spinning or carrying (including off of the
field) the ball any distance that requires an official to retrieve it.
(b) Spiking the ball to the ground [Exception: A forward pass to
conserve time (Rule 7-3-2-d)].
(c) Throwing the ball high into the air.
(d) Any other unsportsmanlike act or actions that delay the game.

Did Locker return the ball to the official?  No.  Did he leave it near the dead-ball spot?  No.  That, in and of itself, means he was in violation of the rule, which means that the ref, according to the rules, had to enforce the following penalty:

PENALTY—Dead-ball foul or live-ball foul treated as dead-ball foul.
15 yards [S7 and S27] from the succeeding spot. Flagrant
offenders, if players or substitutes, shall be disqualified
[S47]. If a player or an identified squad member in uniform
commits two unsportsmanlike fouls in the same game, he
shall be disqualified.

There it is - 15 yards, first offense.  No ifs, ands, or buts about it.  The rule is what it is.  The referees aren’t supposed to enforce the rules based on their own personal whims - they’re supposed to enforce the rules equally and consistently.  That’s what we call fair these days.

Therein lies the problem.

At some point in recent history, we stopped assuming that humans were irrational and consequently needed to be dealt with flexibly.  We, as a society, collectively decided that flexibility was inherently unjust - why should the rules be applied one way with one person, then applied entirely differently with another person?  Why should the rules be applied one way in one circumstance, yet applied differently in a slightly different circumstance?  This, I suspect, was the direct result of the recent stressing of math and science in education, with a lowering of importance for art, music, and literature.  With art, music, and literature, there is no one right way to do things.  When there’s a method, there are ways to work around it, or subvert it entirely.  With math and science, however, at least the way it’s taught, there’s only one right way to do things.  When you add 2 and 2, you get 4.  You do that by adding the quantity of 2 to another quantity of 2.  There is no other way.  There is no other answer.  Even if you get higher-level and start throwing in different bases, yeah, you might be able to say the answer is actually 11 (base 3), but it still represents the exact same quantity represented by 4.  You’re just labeling it differently.

With this idea firmly implanted into the fabric of modern society, it’s no wonder we want rules to be interpreted as IF…THEN statements.  It’s so much more scientific, more methodical, more enlightened.  It’s perfectly logical.  If I break a rule, then I should get punished.  Equally importantly, if you break the same rule, then you should get punished the same way.  Simple.  Logical.  Pure.  There’s just one problem.  Conditional statements work great with computers because they’re deterministic, which is a really fancy way of saying that, in theory, if you feed the same data and the same program to the same computer, you will always get the same answer because the computer will always take the same steps each and every time to get there.

Try that with a person.

Heck, try that with a real computer.  Real computers exist in the real world, which means that they’re bound by the exact same real-world forces that we are.  Thus, they’re victim to real-world problems like electrical shorts, manufacturing defects, heat, theft, water, and so on.  Any of these real-world problems will change the computer’s answer because it changes the program, the data, or quite probably both.  People are even less deterministic.  In fact, even in mathematics, there’s a term for this - it’s called non-determinism.  For example, think of a shopping list.  The data is simple enough - milk, eggs, meat, cheese, vegetables.  Does it matter what order we put them in the basket?  Probably not.  You might be able to optimize somewhat - perhaps the milk and eggs are next to each other, so getting them one after the other is a good idea.  However, there might be more than one optimal solution.  There might be no optimal solutions - if you only have 30 minutes to get your groceries and the cashiers are taking 35 minutes to check people out, you’re in trouble.

Somewhere along the way, our society chose to forget that.  It’s understandable - about 50 years ago or so, the best minds in the world largely forgot that.  That’s how, at one point, people decided that the best method of flood control was something simple, something methodical, something scientific - pave over rivers with concrete, raise the channels nice and high, then watch the river flow as fast as possible to sea.  Makes perfect sense, at least on paper.  Trouble is, the system only works well when nature brings in rainfall within the design parameters of those concrete channels, when people aren’t dumping stuff into the channels that alters their flows, when trees aren’t falling in, and so on.  None of these factors are even remotely guaranteed - on the contrary, each of these problems is guaranteed to happen at least once, at which point the entire system will fail.  The best minds in the world figured that out fairly quickly, which is why they’re playing with Quantum Mechanics, Chaos Theory, and String Theory, all of which are non-deterministic.  Society as a whole, however, tends to take a little more time to learn.  There has to be something to replace the old paradigm, something for the rest of the world to latch on to that they can use to get useful things done.  The trouble with new ways of thought at any point in time is that, being new, they have few known practical uses, at least at first.  Turing machines, for example, were nearly pointless theoretical exercises in 1936.  Now, they’re a core foundational concept for computer science students.  Quantum mechanics is, for 99.9% of the world, a nearly pointless and incomprehensible theoretical exercise.  Soon, however - very soon - it will become the basis of modern computing.  However, it took over 100 years and proving Einstein wrong (like I said, 50 years ago or so, the best minds in the world thought the world was deterministic) in order to get to a point where we will soon have a practical application of a theory that few currently understand at even the most basic level.  This means that people will need to be able to work on these devices, which means bright minds will need to simplify, or ‘dumb down’ quantum mechanics enough for less bright people to be able to work on their clever machines.

Does the kid at Jiffy Lube need to know about hydrodynamics to change your oil?  Does the guy at the big box computer store need to know about Ohm’s Law in order to remove the virus from your computer?  Of course not.  Do the products that they’re working on rely on these principles, among others to work properly?  Yes, but it doesn’t matter - none of those details will help you troubleshoot those devices enough to make learning more than the most basic concepts behind those ideas worth learning.  But, you will learn the basic ideas behind those principles - you’ll learn a distilled, simplified form of those ideas, sure, but you’ll know them just the same.  You’ll know that, if you change the oil of a car that’s been running for a while, the oil will be hotter than if the car sits for a while, and you’ll know that the oil will come out of the block faster if it’s hotter.  You’ll know that, if you have a 250 watt power supply in your computer, and you have a bunch of devices in it that draw more than 250 watts, your computer won’t function.  In the same vein, people will learn that their computer works just as well off as it does when it’s on.  People will learn that, with their new computers, given the same data and the same program, their computer can give them entirely different answers at random.

At that point, in order to fully grasp and utilize these ideas, we will need to change how we teach our children - we will need to teach them that the world, even in theory, is not deterministic.  Once they grasp that, the idea that humans are deterministic will seem as quaint and silly as the idea that skin pigment has a strong, direct correlation to intelligence does today.  Suddenly, zero-tolerance rules, explicitly designed to turn school administration into an exercise in pure determinism, will disappear in the new paradigm.  Workplace rules that treat humans like robots will disappear - if even your robots are non-deterministic, why would you expect your humans to be any different?

Then, finally, referees will be able to call a football game with some semblance of independent judgment, and everybody will understand why.

Let it be said that, if more newspapers in the US wrote like this, more people would read them.

From the Guardian:  An EU ban on ads with sexist overtones?  Another quasi-fictional piece of translucent flimflam.

According to a pointless piece of eye-rolling anti-EU extrapolation that appeared in a number of newspapers, a smattering of MEPs are calling for the introduction of strict new advertising guidelines that could eventually lead to Eva Herzigova’s breasts being taken out and shot.

At least that’s the gist of it. As far as I can ascertain, the story largely represented a brilliant excuse to print the supermodel’s infamous Wonderbra ad for the 80 millionth time, on this occasion under the headline “Goodbye Boys”. Even though the Hello Boys campaign ran 14 years ago, editors just can’t let it lie. Rather than fading into obscurity it has, if anything, grown to represent some kind of sexual Year Zero which still haunts their collective mind’s eye to this day. Just as Philip E Marlow from Dennis Potter’s Singing Detective was obsessed by visual memories of his mum enjoying a bit of off-piste afternoon dick in a forest, so the image of a semi-naked Eva gawping with awestruck joy at her own overflowing cups is forever frozen in their consciousnesses, and they’re doomed to reproduce it again and again in a bid to help themselves and their readers come to terms with its sheer psychological impact. It wasn’t just an advert. It was the 9/11 of tits.

And now some killjoy EU busybodies want to travel back in time and ban it! Or something like that! Boo! Typical! Let’s bomb Brussels! Or maybe just France! Etc!

I don’t know why, but the idea of an exclamation mark following “Etc” just strikes me as hilariously ludicrous.  There’s just something about the dissonance of a term used to indicate a nearly apathetic inability to fully enumerate a set of information and a punctuation mark whose sole function is to indicate extreme force and emotion.  It just makes my funny bone resonate with tingly goodness.

Or, perhaps I’m just a geek.  Sue me.

Nonetheless, “The EU vote on the report is not legally binding but it could be used by governments to justify the biggest shake-up in the industry for years.” Or it could not. Who knows? Uh-oh, we’ve accidentally printed that photo of Eva again. Argh! Only one thing for it: we’re all going to have masturbate our way back to sanity together. Right, readers? Three … two … one … go!

Yeah, the article goes on like this.  I’d keep going but, well, I’m spent.  Ah… bliss…

Any blog can give you the big news highlights of the day.  Want to read McCain’s speech?  Be my guest.  Want some early thoughts on it?  Professor Bainbridge to the rescue - or is he?  Perhaps you’re not a McCain fan, or even a fan of conservative political ideology.  No problem - the Huffington Post is there.

So, what are my thoughts?  Who cares?  There are thousands of people far more qualified than myself who can pick apart the speech and overanalyze it into oblivion.  Let them have their moment.  Instead, I will report on the news that really matters - the stuff that absolutely nobody is touching on.  That’s right - I’m here to tell you that there is no body in that tree.

From the BBC:

The suspected remains of a WWII airman discovered in a jungle region of Papua New Guinea have turned out to be the moss-covered branches of a tree.

Hikers on the country’s Kokoda Trail found what appeared to be the remains of a parachutist tangled in wires and dangling in a tree two weeks ago.

Australian and Japanese forces fought several battles in the area in 1942-3.

The Australian military sent a team to investigate the “body” only to discover it was a branch tangled in vines.

Rest easy, my fearless readers.  Wherever there’s a story about corpse-shaped tree limbs, I’m there. Whenever somebody finds a suspicious looking tree limb in Papua New Guinea, I’m there. When the world seems topsy-turvy and upside down, when the forces of darkness are arrayed against you, keeping you away from the news that really matters, I’m there.

In all seriousness, though, after reading the reactions on the Huffington Post to McCain’s speech, I have to wonder - who did they think the audience of the speech was, exactly?  Of course McCain was talking traditional Republican talking points.  He was in a room full of Republicans! In other news, pastors give sermons about God in churches!  Egads.  What, did Obama’s speech really trail off of the usual Democratic talking points?  Sure, he talked about cutting some bureaucracy here and there, but he also talked about nationalizing health care, increasing taxes on the top 5% to the highest rates since the Carter administration (that’s what “I will cut taxes cut taxes for 95% of all working families” plus “If you don’t [have health insurance], you’ll be able to get the same kind of coverage that members of Congress give themselves” means), legislating equal pay for equal work (define “equal”), and so forth.  Yep, Obama definitely strayed off the beaten path there, let me tell you what.

What’s funny is that, when people talk about “failed Republican ideas”, I don’t think it means what people really think it means.  I don’t think people are really saying, “Gee, you know what - Republicans were wrong.  We need more government.  We need our government to spend more money.  We need government to make more choices for us.  Yeah, that’s the ticket.”  What people are saying is that we need government to actually do what it says it’s going to do, and we need politicians to do something totally and radically out of character for them - do what they promise to do. Ethanol subsidies pointed at corn farmers does not make government smaller, more effective, or even help solve the problem the program is “supposed” to fix.  The PATRIOT Act did not make the government smaller, more effective, or help solve the problem it was “supposed” to fix.  The TSA… you’re kidding me, right?  The list goes on like this, and each of these government programs were created during a Republican administration.  One would think that it would go without saying that, if Republicans start acting like Democrats, people are just going to start electing Democrats - and that’s precisely what they’re doing.  However, people aren’t happy about that - the proof is the record low approval ratings of Congress.  That’s why McCain was stressing the old-hat Republican values - he was signaling to both the American people and the Republican Party that he wasn’t standing for the “Compassionate Conservativism” that Bush Jr. unleashed upon America, but instead for more of a Reaganesque agenda, though hopefully with less Iran-Contra cream filling.

Personally, I’m okay with that.  It’s only when your money is free that it’s possible to talk about social freedom - if everybody’s broke, it won’t matter what legislation is on the table regarding abortions, drugs, or gay marriage.

My laptop needed updates tonight - no big news there.  Then I scrolled down to see what was being updated:

That’s right - there’s an application for ejecting CDs. It does nothing else.  I bet it even has a man page.

–A little later–

I was right!  It does! And, it has seventeen different flags! Really?!  You need seventeen flags in order to eject a frakkin’ CD?!  Seriously, check this out!

If this isn’t a microcosm of everything that’s wrong with Linux these days, I don’t know what is.  I mean, eject can also close the CD tray, which, near as I can tell, would be the complete opposite of an ‘eject’.  Consequently, there’s also a flag to set the speed of the CD while it’s in there, which is absolutely necessary when you want to take the CD out of the tray.  Right.  Oh, and let’s not forget -n; after all, if there’s one thing I must have in any command, it’s a flag that tells it to do nothing.  Great.  Thanks.  Meanwhile, the sole solace I can take in this is that somewhere, somehow, someone actually sat down and typed out “eject -T” in order to find out that it didn’t, in fact, un-eject their CD tray, then got online and filed that bug.

Gah.

I stumbled across this article on the Buffalo News today:  Worker arraigned in posting of sign

NIAGARA FALLS — It didn’t take long for the city worker accused of putting a “whites only” sign on a public works drinking fountain to realize it was a really bad idea.

“There’s going to be trouble,” a co-worker predicted shortly after James Curtis put up the sign Aug. 13 in the public works yard, according to court papers filed in the case.

Curtis, 52, of 80th Street, a 26- year employee in the Public Works Department, told police before his arrest last Friday that he took down the sign after he realized he might get in trouble.

By that time, an African-American co-worker had photographed it with his cell phone.

[…]

Court papers do not make it clear how, but a black co-worker ended up with the sign after he photographed it on the drinking fountain. In his statement to police, the worker told detectives he took the sign, put it in his locker and later gave it to Emmett Cox.

Cox and five other African- American public works employees — collectively known as the Niagara Falls Six — filed a still-pending racial discrimination suit against the city in 2003.

An investigation of the sign by police and the state attorney general’s office soon followed.

[…]

Curtis pleaded not guilty to second-degree aggravated harassment, which normally is a misdemeanor.

But city police, who filed the charge Friday, categorized it as a racially motivated hate crime, which bumps up the charge to a Class E felony.

Okay, let’s get some disclosure out of the way:

1. I’m white.
2. I’ll be honest - I’m the kind of guy that thinks the idea of a “Whites Only” sign over a water fountain would be hilarious, though that would die down after, oh, two seconds or so.  Then again, I watch and enjoy South Park and Family Guy, so I think we can all safely assume I have no taste.
3. Engaging in any sort of a practical joke when you work for the government is categorically a bad idea.  Government agencies do not have senses of humor; if this guy couldn’t figure that out after working for one for 25 years, well, he deserves to get fired.

 Aggravated harassment in the second degree.

 A person is guilty of aggravated harassment in the second degree when, with intent to harass, annoy, threaten or alarm another person, he or she:

 1. Either  (a) communicates with a person, anonymously or otherwise by telephone, or by telegraph, mail or any other form of written communication, in a manner likely to cause annoyance or alarm; or  (b) causes a communication to be initiated by mechanical or electronic means or otherwise, with a person, anonymously or otherwise, by telephone, or by telegraph, mail or any other form of written communication, in a manner likely to cause annoyance or alarm;  or

 2. Makes a telephone call, whether or not a conversation ensues, with no purpose of legitimate communication;  or

 3. Strikes, shoves, kicks, or otherwise subjects another person to physical contact, or attempts or threatens to do the same because of a belief or perception regarding such person’s race, color, national origin, ancestry, gender, religion, religious practice, age, disability or sexual orientation, regardless of whether the belief or perception is correct; or

 4. Commits the crime of harassment in the first degree and has previously been convicted of the crime of harassment in the first degree as defined by section 240.25 of this article within the preceding ten years.

 Aggravated harassment in the second degree is a class A misdemeanor. 

Section 485.05 Hate crimes.

 1. A person commits a hate crime when he or she commits a specified offense and either: 

  (a) intentionally selects the person against whom the offense is committed or intended to be committed in whole or in substantial part because of a belief or perception regarding the race, color, national origin, ancestry, gender, religion, religious practice, age, disability or sexual orientation of a person, regardless of whether the belief or perception is correct, or 

  (b) intentionally commits the act or acts constituting the offense in whole or in substantial part because of a belief or perception regarding the race, color, national origin, ancestry, gender, religion, religious practice, age, disability or sexual orientation of a person, regardless of whether the belief or perception is correct. 

 2. Proof of race, color, national origin, ancestry, gender, religion, religious practice, age, disability or sexual orientation of the defend- ant, the victim or of both the defendant and the victim does not, by itself, constitute legally sufficient evidence satisfying the people’s burden under paragraph (a) or (b) of subdivision one of this section. 

 3. A “specified offense” is an offense defined by any of the following provisions of this chapter: section 120.00 (assault in the third degree); section 120.05 (assault in the second degree); section 120.10(assault in the first degree); section 120.12 (aggravated assault upon a person less than eleven years old); section 120.13 (menacing in the first degree); section 120.14 (menacing in the second degree); section120.15 (menacing in the third degree); section 120.20 (reckless endangerment in the second degree); section 120.25 (reckless endangerment in the first degree); subdivision one of section 125.15(manslaughter in the second degree); subdivision one, two or four of section 125.20 (manslaughter in the first degree); section 125.25 (murder in the second degree); section 120.45 (stalking in the fourth degree); section 120.50 (stalking in the third degree); section 120.55 (stalking in the second degree); section 120.60 (stalking in the first degree); subdivision one of section 130.35 (rape in the first degree); subdivision one of section 130.50 (criminal sexual act in the first degree); subdivision one of section 130.65 (sexual abuse in the first degree); paragraph (a) of subdivision one of section 130.67 (aggravated sexual abuse in the second degree); paragraph (a) of subdivision one of section 130.70 (aggravated sexual abuse in the first degree); section 135.05 (unlawful imprisonment in the second degree); section135.10 (unlawful imprisonment in the first degree); section 135.20 (kidnapping in the second degree); section 135.25 (kidnapping in the first degree); section 135.60 (coercion in the second degree); section135.65 (coercion in the first degree); section 140.10 (criminal trespass in the third degree); section 140.15 (criminal trespass in the second degree); section 140.17 (criminal trespass in the first degree); section140.20 (burglary in the third degree); section 140.25 (burglary in the second degree); section 140.30 (burglary in the first degree); section 145.00 (criminal mischief in the fourth degree); section 145.05(criminal mischief in the third degree); section 145.10 (criminal mischief in the second degree); section 145.12 (criminal mischief in the first degree); section 150.05 (arson in the fourth degree); section 150.10(arson in the third degree); section 150.15 (arson in the second degree); section 150.20 (arson in the first degree); section 155.25 (petit larceny); section 155.30 (grand larceny in the fourth degree); section155.35 (grand larceny in the third degree); section 155.40 (grand larceny in the second degree); section 155.42 (grand larceny in the first degree); section 160.05 (robbery in the third degree); section 160.10(robbery in the second degree); section 160.15 (robbery in the first degree); section 240.25 (harassment in the first degree); subdivision one, two or four of section 240.30 (aggravated harassment in the second degree); or any attempt or conspiracy to commit any of the foregoing offenses. 

 4. For purposes of this section: 

  (a) the term “age” means sixty years old or more; 

  (b) the term “disability” means a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits a major life activity. 

So, by the looks of things, what the city police department is trying to do is bump the aggravated harassment charge (one of the listed offenses that can be labeled a “hate crime”) by claiming that Mr. Curtis had a “belief or a perception” regarding black people that convinced him he should put up that sign.  Near as I can tell, the only belief or perception that he had was that he’s a good enough shock comedian to get away with putting up racially insensitive signs at work; I doubt that will be enough to land a hate crime charge against him.  The only way, I think, that they would be able to pull it off is if they could prove that Mr. Curtis legitimately believed that “colored” people should not be allowed to drink at that drinking fountain, and, unless he has a subscription to some Aryan Brotherhood paraphenalia that the news article didn’t mention, I doubt they have enough evidence to make that stick.  Ultimately, I suspect this is a CYA move by the city - make sure to be as firm and thorough as possible against the guy and hope it’s enough “due diligence” to make the racial discrimination suit go away.  

Personally, I do think that James Curtis was an idiot for putting that sign up, but I also think this is getting blown wildly out of proportion; from where I’m sitting, the city should have canned him and that should have been the end of it.  Instead, some people thought it would be fun and enriching to claim the city was engaging in systemic racism (the only way a racial discrimination suit would fly), which has led to the city feeling compelled to ruin a man’s life in order to cover its ass.  I fail to see how that’s just or right.

Moral of the story:  If you work in government, assume everyone around you has no sense of humor.  Since humor, by definition, is tragedy + time, it’s pretty safe to assume that somebody will find the “tragedy” component of your humor to be offensive, especially when it involves segregation and civil rights.

Google released their first web browser today - it’s called “Chrome“, and is based on the same web engine that Apple’s Safari uses (WebKit).  To detail why and how they did this, Google even came up with a cartoon book, which was surprisingly informative and reasonably approachable.

A quick review

Compared to Firefox and IE7, Google’s Chrome is fast - it’s no surprise that its speed is right up there with Safari.  Interestingly, the font sizes and layout looks very similar in both Safari and Chrome; since they’re using the same engine, I suppose that’s no surprise.  Unlike Safari, though, Chrome uses the built-in Windows anti-aliasing font technology, instead of implementing its own.  This means that fonts are a little smaller than Firefox but aren’t blurry like Safari.  For example, here’s Slashdot under Chrome:

Here’s Slashdot under Safari - note the blurriness:

Finally, Slashdot on Firefox - note that the font is a little larger:

As far as speed goes, I don’t have any hard data on Chrome’s speed against other browsers, but it certainly feels faster, at least for the most part.  One interesting side-effect of Chrome’s unique process handling is that, at least initially, a lot of Flash plugins seem to start a little slower on the first load - once they’re loaded, though, they’re quite snappy after that.

Another interesting feature of Google’s Chrome is the “Most Visited” page, which is the default home page under Google Chrome:

The fun part is that it shows you your last nine visited pages, along with recently closed tabs and recently added bookmarks.  There’s also an “Incognito Mode” that you can use to browse web pages, which allows you to browse without collecting cookies or other personal information.  

Another interesting feature of Chrome is that, unlike other browsers, Chrome launches each tab and each plugin as a process.  If one tab or plugin hangs up, you can launch Chrome’s task manager and kill that process.  The task manager looks something like this:

If you’ll notice, one of the tasks is Flash - it’s from a video I was watching while typing this.  Let’s say this video is freezing up… 

Now, let’s say I kill that Flash process - what happens now?

None of this affects the browser, and a quick refresh brings the video right back.  

Personally, I’m enjoying Chrome, though I will point out that I’m not much of a plugin junkie; those that are more attached to their Firefox plugins may find Chrome’s plugin support somewhat underwhelming.  For day-to-day use, though, I strongly recommend it.  The one caveat, though, is that, at least for now, it’s Windows only - Google does not have a Mac or Linux version of the browser available yet.

After reading a few bloggers responses to the mad scramble at left-leaning blogs regarding the Palin pick, I’ve decided that, in the spirit of what’s going on at the other side of the fence, that I should join the fray myself.  Since I know very little about Biden or the Illuminati, this should sufficiently handicap me in much the same way that just about everyone seems to be handicapped by Palin and her background.

With that in mind, let’s see what kind of slanderous tripe facts I can come up with about Joseph Biden.

• Joseph’s middle name is Robinette! Clearly, that means he’s gay, or at least uses hair product!
• Joseph Biden is Jewish! [What?! - ed] This means he killed Jesus! No, seriously, I saw him do it!  I was at this 7-Eleven in Utah, just minding my own business, when I saw Joe walk in and put a cap in this guy’s ass.  It totally stunned me - I mean, here’s this guy from peaceful Delaware packing heat!  What the hell is up with that?!  Plus, who ever heard of a Jew killing somebody?  But, there he was, putting a cap in the guy - and what was his victim’s name?  That’s right - Jesus! The Jew killed Jesus! Then, he made himself a large cappuccino and left.  Damndest thing, I tell you!
• Joseph Biden uses contraceptives! That means he’s not a real Roman Catholic! [Wait… I thought he was Jewish? Don’t let ignorance or facts get in the way now!  We’re on a roll!]  I bet that, deep down, Biden is a closet Greek Orthodox!
• Biden is an Intergalactic Presbyterian! [Okay, are we just making up religions now? - ed]  He tried to secretly impregnate Marge Simpson, then tried to exchange protein strains with his opponent!
• HE’S A REPTILIOID!
• Biden isn’t actually himself.  He’s really his parent’s son’s Down Syndrome child, hidden away in a closet to hide their family shame.  After a lobotomy, he became the subject of a Tennessee Williams play, which raised enough money to allow him to have his extra chromosome surgically removed by the Illuminati, using contrails!  This was so successful, he was able to attend college and became a Senator!  HE REALLY HAS DOWN SYNDROME!
• Joseph Biden is part of the Matrix! He’s an agent, brought to destroy The One! He also has a really creepy smile, and implanted a probe in my abdomen!
• Joseph Biden is a Muslim! I saw him wearing a towel on his head at a Holiday Inn Express last night.  Plus, he refused to eat during daylight hours during Ramadan!  He’s one of them!
• Joseph Biden has a credit score under 500! MBNA has done everything possible to cover up this fact, but it’s absolutely true!  He came into my friend’s store to buy an… um… olphiclide, or something, and they ran his credit and it came back low! It’s true!  They wouldn’t even let him buy a metronome on credit!
• Joseph Biden is a known cause of cancer in the State of California! Whenever he visits there, he has to wear a warning label, like what you see on Sweet ‘N Low!   I’ve seen it!  It’s behind his neck, but only visible during the night - you have to shine a UV lamp at it to see it.  It glows pink.
• Joseph Biden is a reverse vampire! He’s killing all of our parents, or something!  Yeah!  And he wants to eat your babies, like the Hun!  He’s one of the Hun!  He’s Attila, or at least was in a past life!  I ran a past life regression on him once - his Saturnial signs pointed to a disturbance in Pluto and, what do you know, Attila the Hun materialized in his Centauri crossline!  Damndest thing!

This is kind of fun!  Anybody care to join in?