Why Not?
After reading a few bloggers responses to the mad scramble at left-leaning blogs regarding the Palin pick, I’ve decided that, in the spirit of what’s going on at the other side of the fence, that I should join the fray myself. Since I know very little about Biden or the Illuminati, this should sufficiently handicap me in much the same way that just about everyone seems to be handicapped by Palin and her background.
With that in mind, let’s see what kind of slanderous tripe facts I can come up with about Joseph Biden.
- Joseph’s middle name is Robinette! Clearly, that means he’s gay, or at least uses hair product!
- Joseph Biden is Jewish! [What?! - ed] This means he killed Jesus! No, seriously, I saw him do it! I was at this 7-Eleven in Utah, just minding my own business, when I saw Joe walk in and put a cap in this guy’s ass. It totally stunned me - I mean, here’s this guy from peaceful Delaware packing heat! What the hell is up with that?! Plus, who ever heard of a Jew killing somebody? But, there he was, putting a cap in the guy - and what was his victim’s name? That’s right - Jesus! The Jew killed Jesus! Then, he made himself a large cappuccino and left. Damndest thing, I tell you!
- Joseph Biden uses contraceptives! That means he’s not a real Roman Catholic! [Wait... I thought he was Jewish? Don't let ignorance or facts get in the way now! We're on a roll!] I bet that, deep down, Biden is a closet Greek Orthodox!
- Biden is an Intergalactic Presbyterian! [Okay, are we just making up religions now? - ed] He tried to secretly impregnate Marge Simpson, then tried to exchange protein strains with his opponent!
- HE’S A REPTILIOID!
- Biden isn’t actually himself. He’s really his parent’s son’s Down Syndrome child, hidden away in a closet to hide their family shame. After a lobotomy, he became the subject of a Tennessee Williams play, which raised enough money to allow him to have his extra chromosome surgically removed by the Illuminati, using contrails! This was so successful, he was able to attend college and became a Senator! HE REALLY HAS DOWN SYNDROME!
- Joseph Biden is part of the Matrix! He’s an agent, brought to destroy The One! He also has a really creepy smile, and implanted a probe in my abdomen!
- Joseph Biden is a Muslim! I saw him wearing a towel on his head at a Holiday Inn Express last night. Plus, he refused to eat during daylight hours during Ramadan! He’s one of them!
- Joseph Biden has a credit score under 500! MBNA has done everything possible to cover up this fact, but it’s absolutely true! He came into my friend’s store to buy an… um… olphiclide, or something, and they ran his credit and it came back low! It’s true! They wouldn’t even let him buy a metronome on credit!
- Joseph Biden is a known cause of cancer in the State of California! Whenever he visits there, he has to wear a warning label, like what you see on Sweet ‘N Low! I’ve seen it! It’s behind his neck, but only visible during the night - you have to shine a UV lamp at it to see it. It glows pink.
- Joseph Biden is a reverse vampire! He’s killing all of our parents, or something! Yeah! And he wants to eat your babies, like the Hun! He’s one of the Hun! He’s Attila, or at least was in a past life! I ran a past life regression on him once - his Saturnial signs pointed to a disturbance in Pluto and, what do you know, Attila the Hun materialized in his Centauri crossline! Damndest thing!
This is kind of fun! Anybody care to join in?
Proof I've Lost It, politics, rants | David Colborne | 
September 1, 2008 11:29 pm
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