Blogging HR1: Division A, Title 3

Amount Appropriated Thus Far:  $48,588,500,000

I’d just like to start by pointing out that I’m beginning to understand completely why legislators don’t read the crap that crosses their desks.  Maybe it’s the six hours of sleep I got last night, maybe it’s the page after page of interminable “For an additional amount for ‘Random Project That We’re Making Up Now’, $Some_amount_we’re_pulling_out_of_our_asses“, but, whatever it is, it’s absolutely driving me to insanity.  I really can’t begin to describe it.  Just be thankful that I’m doing this, be thankful I haven’t noticed that the Senate has passed their version, and, most of all, be thankful I’m dense enough to not give a flying rat’s ass that the final bill will be entirely different from the one I’m slowly deconstructing here.

With that aside out of the way, Title III–Commerce, Justice, and Science provides additional funding to the departments of Commerce, Justice, and Science, respectively, through three Subtitles.  This is the section where the Department of Commerce receives additional Census funding, which is increasingly becoming somewhat controversial due to the Obama Administration’s sudden interest in the Census process, among other things.

Let’s take a look!

Subtitle A–Commerce

• $250,000,000 for “Economic Development Assistance Programs”, of which up to $50,000,000 can go to “federally authorized regional economic development commissions”.  I’d love to find out what sort of economic development is being assisted here.
• $1,000,000,000 more for the upcoming census in 2010.  Coincidentally, this is another Section 1106-exempt line-item.
• $350,000,000 for salaries and expenses for the State Broadband Data and Development Grant Program.  There’s quite a bit of money going to various federal agencies to roll out broadband - it’ll be fun to see who actually gets to take charge on this.
• $2,825,000,000 for Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grants.  I wonder if Verizon will lower my bill now that the taxpayer is paying for their infrastructure upgrades?
• $650,000,000 for the Digital-to-Analog Converter Box Program.  Thank goodness - I need to get one of these for my black & white at the cabin!
• $100,000,000 for “Scientific and Technical Research and Services”.  I’m almost afraid to ask what they’re researching…
• $100,000,000 for “Industrial Technology Services”, of which $30,000,000 shall be available for the Hollings Manufacturing Extension Partnership.  You can think of this line item as a straight sales shot to Eureka! Ranch International, a rather successful consulting firm, since the Manufacturing Extension Partnership is a big fan of their Eureka! Winning Ways package.
• $300,000,000 for “Construction of Research Facilities”.  Note that this is not under the Department of Science.
• $400,000,000 for “Operations, Research and Facilities” for habitat restoration and mitigation activities.  That’s right, we’re paying $400 million for buildings so people can restore areas to a pre-building state.  Don’t let the irony hit you on the way out.
• $600,000,000 for “Procurement, Acquisition and Construction” of satellites, with a substantial amount going towards weather satellites.

Subtitle B–Justice

• $3,000,000,000 for “State and Local Law Enforcement Assistance” under the Edward Byrne Memorial Justice Assistance Grant Program.
• $1,000,000,000 for “Community Oriented Policing Services”.  Basically, they’re paying a few police officer salaries.  The matching funds requirement and salary limits are waived, which means that this is now a straight-up handout with no strings attached and no limit to compensation.  I see this ending well.

Subtitle C–Science

• $400,000,000 to NASA to study Earth’s climate.  If you’re confused about why NASA gets $400 million and the Department of Commerce gets $600 million to study the same problem, you’re not alone.
• $150,000,000 to NASA for “aeronautics”.  Seriously, that’s all the information we get.
• $50,000,000 to rebuild NASA-owned infrastructure that was wiped out in various natural disasters.  Strangely, this one actually makes some sense.
• $2,500,000,000 to the National Science Foundation for “Research and Related Activities”.  This money goes towards various government-run research grants.
• $100,000,000 to the NSF for “Education and Human Resources”.
• $400,000,000 to the NSF for “Major Research Equipment and Facilities Construction”.  Thankfully, this money is “available only for approved projects.”  Glad we have that established.

That’s it, folks.  The Department of Commerce is spending money on sciences, the Department of Science is spending money on grants, and the Department of Justice is making sure that, when the poverty-driven riots begin to break out, that we’ll be able to keep the proles in line.  How cool is that?

(Ugh.)

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