Those Who Forget The Past…

(Note: I’m writing this from my phone, which means this will be short, sweet, and lacknowledge links until I get a chance to clean this post up later. You’ve been warned.)

It’s the holiday season, which means it’s time for the annual atheist tradition of “Let’s act mortified about Christmas!” We have signs on state capitols, articles decrying the Dear Leader-like adulation of a long dead Nazarene, and the usual complaints focusing on how, no matter where you go, there’s no escaping the wacky traditions of our superstitious neighbors and fellow countrymen. Each year, for the better part of a month, we go through this, and each year we prove, once and for all, why more than half of America should never, ever vote for an atheist.

Is it because atheists are a self-serving lot? Some are, to be sure, but not the majority. If we can have an African-American President while Alan Sharpton and Jesse Jackson run around, we can certainly rise above our “spokespeople”. Is it because we have no clearly defined moral compass, bereft of some higher authority to keep us on the straight and narrow? Of course not - if it’s possible for the Westboro Baptist Church and the Unitarians to read from the same Bible and worship the same God, there’s clearly as much room for interpretation with a higher power as there is without. No, the reason is so much simpler than that.

We’re not willing to pay attention to history.

See, here’s what we’re missing: How did Christmas get so popular that it not only causes the entire Western World to don green and red, it caused the Jews and Black Liberation types to come up with imitations of their own? Easy - Christmas was an adaptation of a much earlier but just as popular holiday itself. When Christianity was first spreading through Europe, it was facing rather heavy resistance itself. Did early Christians just sit around, act smug, and ridicule local customs? Sure, at first. After a while, though, somebody thought, “Hmm… perhaps our chances of being lion food would be slightly less if we preached a more positive form of Christianity! I mean, one God is so much more convenient than a bunch of petty, squabbling gods, and there’s no good reason we have to observe Jesus’ birthday on his actual birthday, right? He was the Son of God, after all… What was God’s birthday? Right.” Suddenly, instead of being the leading source of lion food in Europe, Christianity became the “in thing”, spreading across Europe faster than your household plague.

There’s a lesson in this.

We atheists have a strong selling point: Why waste your time worrying what some indefinable, probably imaginary being thinks about how you spend your Sundays? Isn’t having zero gods to tend to so much easier than having to worry about some all-seeing, all-powerful, but very invisible and undiscernable God? What if we just decided that, instead of getting all pompous and self-righteous every December, we just told the world, “Hey, join with us and we’ll let you drink all of the hot toddies you want, guilt-free! It’s cool, you can still have your gifts and your days off. We’re just not going to expect you to go anywhere you don’t want to go or pretend to enjoy any boring sermons, that’s all. Deal?” Honestly, I think that we would get so much more accomplished that way instead of the usual, “You are all a bunch of superstitious rubes!” routine that we throw down every year.

Seriously, we’re atheists! Why are we trying to out-boring the Christians?

(NOTE:  Fixed some typos, finally added some links.)

UPDATE:  This is more like it!

Jesus Christ on a Radar Screen…

One of my coworkers sent this absolutely sacrilegious article my way:

A naval interceptor rocket accidentally targeted and blew up the returning Jesus Christ during a morning test over the Pacific, setting off some kind of retaliatory offensive by the host of heaven.

General Jason Gruntsworthy, head of the Anti-ballistic Missile Shield program, declined comment at first, then said “God, what a mess.”

“On our screens, Jesus looked suspiciously like a Chinese MIRV-9 nucular missile, which is frankly an easy mistake to make. The real surprise is that we actually hit something.”

Following the explosion, burning radioactive pieces of Jesus rained down over a wide area of the western seaboard, causing spot fires and random miracles. NASA has asked that the debris not be touched or collected as souvenirs.

It goes on like that.  Of course, the spelling is a little off here and there, but it’s not very often you get to see the word “eschatological” in a satire piece.  Personally, I prefer to encourage such epistemologically-conscious wordplay.

On a related note, Left Behind is still an obnoxious, pretentious pile of propaganda that should never be viewed by anyone.

That is all.

Ohmaigod!

There are terrible, terrible things that lurk on the Internet… terrible things like… the LOLCatz Bible. Let’s quote from the “good” book, shall we?

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.

9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.

11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.

I… wha… um…

16 So liek teh Ceiling Cat lieks teh ppl lots and he sez ‘Oh hai I givez u me only kitteh and ifs u beleevs in him u wont evr diez no moar, k?’

That, folks, was John 3:16… and, with that, there was me running for the frakking hills.

UPDATE: But wait! It gets horrifically mind-bendingly worse! That’s right… I also discovered LOLCode! An example:

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
VISIBLE "HAI WORLD!"
KTHXBYE

What… the… make… it… stop…

10 Things Christians and Atheists Can Agree On

Found this article and found it very interesting. The entire premise is pretty simple - find ten things that everyone can agree on so we don’t have to be quite so nasty to each other.

They’re a good ten.

I don’t necessarily agree with all of it; I agree with the ten points, but I do dispute the statement that morality isn’t logical. Morality works because everyone benefits in the long term from it. When the benefits of a specific moral action become less clear, morality tends to change - take marriage in Western countries as an example, or pre-marital sex as another one. Since marriage is much less beneficial to both parties than it used to be, it’s becoming less popular. Since pre-marital sex is less hazardous in an “unwanted pregancy” sort of way, thanks to the wonders of birth control, it’s becoming increasingly common (or at least people are being more open about it).

Past that, though, it’s a good list. Read it. Learn it. Save up to 23% on your car insurance.

Declining Christianity in Youth

This should come as no surprise to anyone, but Christianity has been declining in the US (just as it has in Europe) over the past 10+ years, especially among younger Americans. People’s viewpoints differ on both the cause and effect of this. Many blame TV, changing morals, and kids’ parents for not taking them to church. I think these factors probably play into this. Personally, though, I have a different suspicion:

Remember when Christianity was normal?

Think about Christianity among kids today. Most kids are indifferent about religion, which isn’t unusual, but the ones that are into Christianity are really into Christianity. Remember WWJD? How about CTR? Let’s also not forget Bible camps, youth retreats… long story short, it’s very possible to be extremely nerdy about Christianity. Being nerdy is fun, don’t get me wrong - as a former band geek and as a current IT guy, I’m all about nerdy. However, nerdy isn’t popular. Being nerdy means being an outsider and means that what you do will frequently be met with disdain since you’re not following the herd. Consequently, a lot of things that indifferent students might not be entirely against are suddenly “verboten” because the “nerds” are doing them. I’m talking about RPGs, many computer games, certain TV shows… and probably Christianity.

Unfortunately, Christianity’s response to “our numbers are declining” is to further exclude Christianity from the mainstream and let the extremists hijack it for their own agendas. Suddenly, evolution is a problem, cervical cancer vaccines will lead to promiscuity, and there’s also the occasional crackpot that throws down the “dinosaur bones were planted by Satan” routine. Why would any normal kid (or person) want anything to do with a group of people that is even loosely affiliated with any of this?

If you take a look at Christianity’s decline, I’m willing to bet it pretty closely parallels the rise of the “Moral Majority” (Southern-style evangelical/political movement) - the instant the extremists started getting more of a voice is the instant a lot of marginal Christians started signing off and just declaring themselves Agnostic or Deistic. If Christianity plans on remaining a relevant part of American political and social life, it will need to take back its voice from the 700 Club and play up the fact that many Christians are quite moderate.

DISCLAIMER: I am an Atheist and am quite proud of that fact. I respect the rights of others to practice and believe whatever they want to believe on so long as they respect my right to do the same.